When you can think clearly, you will make better decisions!!

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I found this photo today and I can’t help but think about the past.  But at this place in my life I CAN LET GO, and not hold on to the thought.  That’s how I know I’ve come a long way.  My situation can actually make me smile instead of cry.  This photo reminds me of those days I was engulfed in negativity, and one day I took a stand and said no more!!  I finally felt it in my heart, the desire to be done with everything that was right in front of me, staring me in the face everyday.   Here I am today, trying to make a difference not only in my life, but others as well.  Yes, the desire was strong back then, but I feel it in my guts now!!

Just getting to know Carla, my friends horse

Amazing how far I’ve come. The other girl is my sister. She is meeting a horse for the first time……..AND HAD THE SAME REACTION I DID when meeting a horse for the first time.  (My first experience was only last year).  WOW, yes we are sisters. So funny!!!

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My sister… her first time ever meeting a horse. Her face tells it all. LOL

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We got real close. I let her smell all of my scent.

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Now she was a little more comfortable.

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Nothing like a slow approach.

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Ahhh, Now Spring is here!!

Just going for a walk with the doggy….I felt desire to capture some beautiful nature.  Enjoy folks!!

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041 Love this one….seeing the sun rays shine through the leaves.

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I was so close to giving up….believe that!

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What’s that quote people say?  “It’s easier said than done”  They may be right actually, but I would never preach to someone what I have not handled…………….What I have not gone through in life.  People just don’t want to hear it.  Trust me, I know the feeling.  I’m not sure where this post is going but as soon as I saw that Owl, it reminded me of something.  The days when things were not in my favor.  There was no “bright side”.  I laid in bed hoping to just be ignored, avoid all conversations and interactions.  Well, that didn’t work because something inside kept pulling me out.  I guess I was one of the “lucky ones” who dug deep and found that will.  The will to KEEP ON no matter how negative my situations were.  I do remember those dark days and the scary thoughts running through my overwhelmed brain.  Hope was not in sight.  Well, this Owl let me look back and absolutely be proud of where I am…….how I fought and never actually gave up.  It reminded me of those evil thoughts I had and till this day you just don’t forget.  I am a fighter, and the day I give up is when I lose my purpose.  I”m here trying to fulfill my purpose.

Making peace with horses………

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A little over a year ago I moved to Connecticut from New York to attend school.  About 3 of my classmates have horse and I go visit them as often as I can.  It’s kind of weird that I had (still have a little) this little fear of them.  I don’t know why, maybe because they are so massive when up close and personal…maybe because I remember them as charging at people??  Not sure but I am still loving every minute of it.  How could I not want to be around such calmness, serenity and a lovely atmosphere……

This awesome picture was captured by my classmate while I was having a moment with Dante.  Not only that but I never get a chance to see horses laying down and relaxing………..I couldn’t believe my eyes.  I’m gonna get Dante to love me one way or another……guess he felt safe enough with me to stay in his pose.  He is a little “Standoffish”, not today I guess…hahahahaha  🙂

Sandy Hook Elementary School…..We will never forget!!!

 

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It was a crisp sunny morning just like this, the sun was shinning and people were out and about, doing their daily routine. Women and men on their way to work, and little kiddies being dropped off by their parents or a big yellow school bus. Just a normal day in Newtown, Connecticut… at least it seemed like it to everyone. Well, normal is exactly what it wasn’t and some innocent folks were about to find this out in a very sad, horrific, life changing way!!!

In the hours to come a man found something inside him that wasn’t right that day. Maybe it wasn’t right for a long time but, that day it decided to come out. It came out and found it’s way to Sandy Hook Elementary School. 26 beautiful souls left their bodies that day…and in MY BELIEF found their way to their savior. 26 beautiful souls had their physical time on this earth cut short, or some may say their time was up. However you look at it, I think most of us will find it as a heartbreaking day for those who survived and those of us who keep envisioning this in our minds. Some things you cannot erase in life….for me, this is one of them. I’ve felt the desire to help out in some way ever since this tragic event took place. Well, finally I found it. Actually, Deana Whalen found it…and we are doing this together!!

I thought it would be interesting to raise TWO THOUSAND SIX HUNDRED DOLLARS. That is TWENTY SIX HUNDRED DOLLARS. $2,600……..Why, for the TWENTY SIX lives lost. I truly think its possible, and will put our energy into this and make it happen. Again, THANK YOU so much for your time and reading this.

From New York to Connecticut……..SANDY HOOK ANGELS, WE WILL NEVER FORGET……….. ♥ ♥ ♥

Just 2 ordinary NEW YORK girls representing CONNECTICUT…wholeheartedly!!! Please click on our page below and donate if you want. If you do, be sure to leave your name so we can THANK YOU individually.

http://www.crowdrise.com/DeeDeeWalkingforSandyHook/fundraiser/deanarae

What is Valentine’s Day to me??

I’m not angry at this “Special Day” like some folks are. Do I celebrate it? Well, when I was in a relationship one or the other person would cook a nice dinner and we would definitely get chocolates for each other. It was fun…..but guess what…….I would do that on any day, it never had to be VALENTINE’S DAY!!! I find myself to be the romantic type and treated my special someone with kindness and generosity all the time. So, why do people get upset when they don’t get that expensive piece of jewelry or taken out to that EXTRA EXTRA EXPENSIVE DINNER? My thoughts on that are men and women are just looking to feel loved and special……THAT’S GREAT!! But you do not need Valentine’s Day to feel this way. When you love someone, let them know. Everyday..or every other day!! Don’t wait till this day to let them know they are special, and the only one for you.

I remember very clearly when I first lost my love, Valentine’s Day was only around the corner. Was I thinking about it.. Of course… I was 28 and thought differently than I do now. Don’t get me wrong, I still didn’t need a day like this to share and express my love to my man but, I just thought it was cool I guess to have someone on Valentine’s Day. Well, not only heartbroken that I lost my love, so depressed that I wouldn’t be having a special dinner with my love, or any chocolate!!!! I was so sad. This day actually stands out in my head for another reason. To my surprise, a few friends came over to be with me on this day. Friends that I still have today. I can hardly believe it but, I can almost feel the same GRATITUDE that was in my heart that day. Which leads me to another thought, maybe I do in fact celebrate Valentine’s Day. Maybe it’s for a totally different reason than anyone on this earth. It does have a special place in my heart and soul. This was the day my friends let me know they will always be around for me. So, this is to Valentine’s Day…….a whole other meaning for me…it’s sacred, and I LOVE IT!!!

Here is the writings of a card I received today. It is from one of my dear friends…..and she was one of “those friends” who came to me that night….so I wouldn’t be alone……..

Valentine’s Day-

is not just a celebration of ideal relationships in a perfect world.
It goes beyond that. It’s about real people who support one another in hard times,
help each other through problems, and share life’s joy as well as it’s sadness.
It’s about the kind of person who says, “I’m her for you” and means it.
It’s about caring…..friendship….and LOVE!
That’s why it’s so much more than just a day of hearts and flowers-
Valentine’s Day is a celebration of special friends like you.

-Linda Barnes

Now do you see what I mean? I love my friends!! They will never leave me alone.

I lowered my Blood Pressure by Meditating…….

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Most of us know what it feels like to be stressed right? The question is, do you know what stress does to the human body? It’s not good!!! Through personal experience, I know for sure. There is a such thing as temporary stress and stress that you let linger and fester inside of you. The lingering stress seems to be the killer.

It was not so long ago that I had some “stuff” going on. I find it easier to use this word stuff for many reasons… one of them being, sometimes there are too many things to explain. Anyway, I found this stuff to be attaching to my life. (of course by me letting it attach). Why do we take other peoples problems on? Why do we let other problems become our problems? Because we love and want to help. Not only did I let someones problem become mine, I had my own problem coming head on! This was heading straight for me and there was no ducking out of the way….Baam…..it’s here!! These issues were long term and ongoing. They sucked the life out of me and was taking my health with them. When the negativity surrounds you, it’s like a tunnel and it’s dark, I thought there was no way out. Progressively my body was not feeling so good. Anxiety started peeking its head out, I was getting headaches and dizziness, for Pete’s sake one morning I practically fell over when trying to stand up and walk from my bed. I went to the Doctor and guess what………..my blood pressure was 164/99. WHAT? I’ve never been so scared sitting in that office……NEVER!! I felt alone and worried for my health. This is not I, I thought as I cried. This is not who I am. I’ve always taken care of my body and played sports. I exercise and took 3 years of Martial Arts, how can this happen? As I put my head down in despair, I wondered what the heck I can do to be healthy again. Taking medication was far off because I believed I could do it on my own. Things have to change was the thought that day and going forward. I will not live like this. I am a strong woman, how could I let things bother me this much?

So, with all this being said, and in the midst of my turmoil (because it is solely mine and owning it), a light bulb went off. I saw an advertisement for meditation lowering blood pressure and reducing anxiety. Reallyyyy I thought as my full attention was on that. I almost immediately felt the gratitude in my chest fill me up. Seriously, I had a good feeling about this and almost cried (again) at the thought of doing this without medication!! So I purchased the Silva Method meditation series that lasted quite a few weeks. It was not just your ordinary meditation. It was detailed and let you get to the root of the problem. Deep, I dug deep inside my soul and let some stuff out!! It forced you to recognize things and LET THEM GO!! After the first 2 weeks there was a difference in my blood pressure numbers already. Another week went by of meditating and I became even more dedicated. I checked my numbers again……….THEY WENT DOWN MORE!!!!!!! I couldn’t believe my eyes but did not ever question it. After weeks of this program, dedication and desire to change, my blood pressure was now 120-125/75-85. Little by little I was getting back to myself again. Due to the fright of just being in the Doctors office, they cannot get an accurate reading, so I’ve decided to monitor it with my own machine. Here I am 2 years later, my numbers are consistent and in the “normal” range. I am one happy gal. Oh, and I plan on overcoming this Doctors office thing….Really? “This is not who I am.” 😉

So glad I remembered to pray today……

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Sometimes I get out of bed and just start the day. Nothing wrong with that but, It would be so much more fulfilling to start it with purpose. Yes, it’s good to be eager and I’m happy I even want to get up in the morning. (I know some folks who do not.) It could be the cloudiest, rainiest dreary day (like today in Milford, Connecticut) but, I realized when I pray and speak out loud what I am grateful for………….nothing can stop the joy I feel inside my heart. This keeps my in check, keeps me aware of myself and my surroundings. It keeps me focused on what I need in this life (not what I want) and who has helped me thus far!! Praying also keeps me aware of who I want in my life and it’s ok to let the negative ones GO! I love to thank the Lord for the strength and where it has taken me. Yes, I remembered to pray today and I feel wonderful. Ahhhh look now, behind me is the sun coming out. It is shinning on my computer. Hummmm…I just don’t know what to say. 🙂

I’ve got music inside my soul.. but it’s stuck and wants to come out!!

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Boy, I’ll tell you…….I bet I can tell a whole novel with these emotions stuck inside my chest. The way I feel right now, and know inside my heart that the most wonderful feeling would be to play this guitar and tell the world how I feel……ALL WITHOUT EVEN SPEAKING A WORD………!!

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