March 18, 2019 at 9:29 am (Hopeless, Life, Longing for love, Things on my mind......)
Tags: broken heart, desires, Lost, Love, new beginnings, relationship, suffering
Now I’m trying to forget her!! WOW, it is here. Another relationship ending… at least that’s what it feels like in my heart!! When you start to force things…or feel the need to tell your partner what you want and need, time after time………..IT’S TIME!!
The hardest part is really throwing in the towel. The ball is in my court…and I am troubled!! Four & a half years………..can we really not make it work. Well, I rely on actions now………no more words or promises!! I cannot accept someone not fighting for me even just a little bit. When my ears heard the words.. “It’s not fair to you, if I can’t give you what you want, then I understand you wanting to leave”. What? Don’t you want to try??? I’m beside myself today, but I know I’ll survive. I’ve walked this Earth almost 10 years after a loss… before we met. I’d rather work on myself again than be in a relationship that I question.
Attachments……..they really do seem to create suffering. If I can remember to just ‘Be” and let things happen. Maybe I wouldn’t be questioning things… It’s such a tug o war in my head. Love, Love is the answer right?? Then I can love her, let her be, BUT…. we do not have to be in a relationship to do that. That is my resolve. It does not always have to be what the other one wants or needs…. That is one sided… what about my feelings and desires… Ughhh… oh well!! Universe… keep guiding me please.
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October 30, 2018 at 2:34 pm (Awakening, Birthday thoughts, Things on my mind......)
Tags: Awakening, Birthday, Earth Mission, Love and light, Truth
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME….. WELL, I was born into this World on this day, 1974!! It’s been a heck of a ride so far!! I want to take the time and let the world know how much GRATITUDE I have, and how THANKFUL I am for the MANY BLESSINGS!!
A few days ago, I got a message. This message has been trying to come through in other ways… but I understand more now. I AM AWAKENING…I AM TRUTH..I AM BECOMING WHO I’M SUPPOSED TO BE. It was a long detour with many heartaches… meeting troubled people and situations… BUT……. I am here to learn lessons… walk this EARTH and shed my LIGHT!! Learn lessons, or I come back to this EARTH and replay these lessons again and again… until I learn them… This is a difficult dimension to live in.. and I choose very wisely what I partake in and what I give my energy to… It is very precious…. but from what I understand… I raised my hand when they said Planet Earth needs help… who will go and be brave… who can I all upon?? I raised my hand… and here I am. I want to cry at the thought of me actually wanting to come here during very difficult times. Then on the other hand, it is my personality… determined, willing and never gives up!!
I chose my friends, I chose my family… and most people I see everyday. Some are in the “backdrop” and that’s where they’ll stay. Some are very near and dear.. and in the forefront of my screenplay!! “It’s a wonderful life” because it’s what I want… It’s what I am writing… with a few bumps here and there…. as nothing is written in stone!!
I will chose my DEATH!! However I want to leave this EARTH… that’s how it will be. When I am tired and want to go HOME!! I will leave because that’s what I agreed on before I came here!! I’ve now learned, when someone takes their life, they are tired and feel they have done their part on Earth… I will always have mixed feelings about Suicide and hurts my guts.. to my core.. but… they chose to go HOME!!
I am here on EARTH.. On a Mission… Very powerful and very healing!! I can’t wait to see what’s next.. what messages my Angels will give me to lead me in this path!!
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December 15, 2017 at 8:51 am (Burden, Fighting for you life, Hopeless, In a dark place, Life, New Journey, Struggle, Suicide, Tragedy)
Tags: Darkness, Hopeless, Struggling, Suicide
Dee hugged her girlfriend goodbye and watched her leave through the window…like she does every morning. As she said “Goodbye” Dee held on a bit tighter this time. Ohh, Patti said, where did that come from? Dee replied “I just want you to know how much I love you and you mean the world to me”. Awww… I know you do said Patti, I really do. She walked off and into her car she went. Dee stood by the window the whole time waiving as Patti made her way down the pavement.
She waited……. she waited for that one phone call, that one text…. that one person that would make her change her mind……..about leaving this Earth. It didn’t happen and she was quite surprised how she pulled it off that no one knew. No hints, no clues.. it was never spoken about. Only inside her head constantly. Well, that was it. She didn’t need anyone to change her mind. The Financial Burden would finally end. Such a Peaceful thought. She made up her mind.
Sadness she felt for the loved ones she left behind. Just hearing them say, how could she do this, why didn’t she ask for help. If they can hear me now, I’d say… I was tired of the struggle. I got myself into this mess, I got myself out. I love you all very much. Life was not fun anymore. Please accept my sincere words of: I didn’t want to hurt anyone.
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September 22, 2017 at 8:30 am (Awakening, In a dark place, Life, New Journey, Things on my mind......)
Tags: Awakening, Darkness, Lost, shadow work, Truth
UHHHHH……………AS THE DARK LAYERS SHED, IT’S AGONY IN THIS SHELL MOST DAYS………….SHE WEEPS ON THE INSIDE SO NO ONE HEARS HER…..SOMETIMES IT’S EASIER THAT WAY…………….SHE’S AFRAID THEY WON’T UNDERSTAND………….ALONE AGAIN………WILL THIS EVER END…………..SHE REASONS WITH HERSELF THAT IT’S THE RIGHT THING TO DO IN ORDER TO GROW……AT TIMES WANTING TO PRETEND SHE DOESN’T KNOW WHAT SHE KNOWS…………TRUTHS ARE BEING REVEALED…..REVEALING HER OWN DARKNESS AND SHADOWS TO LET SOME LIGHT IN……..NOW KNOWING SHE CAN NEVER TURN BACK…………SHE SITS WITH THIS………..ALONE AGAIN……………
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April 28, 2017 at 8:41 am (Alcohol, Fighting for you life, In a dark place, Recovery)
Tags: Alcoholism, Darkness, Demons, New Day, Recovery
I couldn’t believe my ears. After all the progress he made…. reunited and got full custody of his 8 year old son, nice job and a nice place to live………..He took that sip of Alcohol. All these thoughts rushed into my head, but the one that stuck out the most was, I wonder what drove him there. What was it that made him go back into that darkness. Let me feel it, experience it.. let me relate to it just for a moment. I want to know what you feel right before you decide to take that drink. What is that darkness like??? Why is it that all those positive things in his life couldn’t over power the Demon. I pray for you today, for Strength, Will, and the Determination to move forward and start again. I pray you dust yourself off and let yesterday be done, Today I can.
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April 26, 2017 at 11:30 am (Life, Things on my mind......)
Tags: Ascension, Awareness, Higher Vibration, Inner Light, Life's purpose, Lightworkers, My Purpose, The Universe
So, Every time I see this sentence somewhere, “Do you have a deep purpose that not a lot of people know about. You might not be sure yourself, but you just know you were meant for something bigger” I immediately feel like crying, sadness in my chest…….almost agonizing to my soul. I’ve felt it for as long as I can remember……………. I AM HERE FOR A BIGGER PURPOSE, always feeling like something is right around the corner, just at the tip of my fingers but out of my reach. For the life of me, can’t seem to figure out what can I do, or how can I help?? Well, it’s haunting me but I know the answer will come. As soon as I let it go……. the answer will come.
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February 13, 2015 at 1:30 pm (Don't Judge, Fighting for you life, In a dark place, Life, Suicide, Things on my mind......, Tragedy)
Tags: Crying for help, Depressed, In a dark place, Lost in life, Suicide
Sometimes we really don’t know when someone is hurting DEEP down inside. Some will cry out, some WILL NOT. They can walk around with a smile on their beautiful face and seem interested in life…………….When they are really NOT. WE are planning activities and just things in our daily lives…….. when they’ve been planning TO END THEIRS!!! If you believe you can pick up someone’s spirit today, they go ahead and do it. Don’t be shy to give them a nice compliment or …tell them a nice quality about WHO THEY ARE……….So they feel they have a place in this world. Times are tough, YES….. BUT when that someone loses HOPE, AND THE WILL TO LIVE, WHAT ELSE IS THERE???… Listen to what people say…..find out what’s going on in their life. I truly believe there always has to be at least one clue. That one thing that sparks your intuition. I am becoming more and more aware of the words I speak to people. More aware of how folks carry themselves around and what they say. Well, today is also a reminder to myself, the words we speak to others can be LIFE CHANGING!!!! Be nice, you can change someone’s life TODAY……………………….
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July 28, 2014 at 3:04 pm (Family, Fighting for you life, Life, Things on my mind......, Tragedy)
Just when you think life is great, summer is here!! Laughing and splashing around in the cool water, while the sun beats down on your body. Planning trips and gathering with the people you love to be with. The ice cream truck passing by while the kids run after it screaming “Ice Creeeeam” Yes, summer is wonderful…..and then it hits you. Someone looses their life. It hits so hard that our …brains cannot possibly comprehend such an event. Once again family and friends struck by an overwhelming tragedy..Their Son, Brother, Cousin, Nephew. But It brings the strongest sadness for me to say it was Her Finance!! Our lives change forever. I will be in silence for a while, while my best friend bonds together with her family who lost this young man. If I had to choose something in this world besides assisting others in their healing….. It would be for us to love and take care of each other. Let the small things pass. Really take the time to be with people, take care of them, get to know one another. We are surely not going to like everyone we meet. (It’s just not going to happen). But you know what, have some compassion. Maybe they are going through something you just can’t understand right now. Whether you know it or not, we’re all in this together. If we believe in that, there would be a big difference in the way we treat each other. Lets have patience and take a recon in what’s important in life. Make a conscious effort……I’ve started…. Who’s gonna follow? Man up, Woman up. Don’t worry, you won’t be weak if you give in to someone. Our egos are cruel and we learn it the hard way. But, I’m the first to admit it. Love and Prayers to the whole family. Love you guys more than you know.
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January 5, 2014 at 2:22 pm (Longing for love, Things on my mind......)
Tags: finding love, Heart aches, Longing for love
Sometimes I feel like I’m the only one longing for love….aching to be held again, fighting this overwhelming desire to lay naked and his body up against mine. But of course, there’s no one in sight. Could it be? I’m not alone, when I’m really alone. I cannot imagine others feeling like this. All these emotions stirring inside of me, I feel agony. They keep circulating and circulating, round and around it goes. The circuit needs to be broken. It hurts to know I don’t have him. I cannot express myself on anyone or to anyone!
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December 22, 2013 at 2:48 pm (Massage School, Massage Therapy License, New Journey, State Board Exam)
I am a Licensed Massage Therapist in the State of Connecticut.
Yipeeeeee, Yahooooooo
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